Is therapy really that effective for my ADHD and mental health?
I had this question and finally decided to try it myself.
Backstory: When I was 13, I had a horrible experience with a therapist I was dragged to see by my mom who lied and said we were going shopping. All I remember is that therapist being very cold and uncaring towards me. When I was a freshman in college (this was before getting diagnosed for ADHD), I did a few therapy sessions at the health center in my university with a graduate student I’m going to call Chan. I literally cried in my first session because I wasn’t used to people asking me personal questions, and it was hard to open up and be vulnerable but I knew I had to for the session to be productive. I honestly consider Chan a good friend in a past life (since I haven’t been in touch with him) and we had lots of laughs in our last few sessions. He listened to me and asked me insightful questions, while also praising my progress. He said something that really stuck with me and I had to write it down after our last session: “I wouldn’t be surprised if I picked up my smartphone in 10 years and saw an article saying this person named My printed the first eyeball or something. Every time you come in, it’s just been energizing to see someone who’s such a ‘go getter’. It’s been a privilege getting to know someone like that, open up and be so ambitious and I know for a fact you’ll be successful.” For someone who constantly thinks “I’m lost” in their head and sets really high standards for herself, but questions her abilities 24/7, it was really heartwarming and inspiring to hear that.
After I moved back home because of the COVID-19 outbreak, going back to living with my family was really tough for me. It always was difficult even before quarantine, but I feel like it was worse because I didn’t have an escape. I remember many times where I would get in my car, drive somewhere, and just cry in the rain at a viewpoint or in an empty parking lot. This time, it was different. I became so frustrated because I felt stuck when I wanted to be anywhere else. And with the shelter in place guidelines, there was not that much that I could do to distract myself and get away. In the first few months, I was still in school so I had to handle maintaining my grades and listen to boring lectures while trying not to go crazy in a pretty randomly loud, chaotic household. I finally decided that I wanted to improve the dynamic not just for myself, but for my family members. I was worried about them. In July 2020, I started therapy with a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). I actually found it hard on my insurance’s website to find someone who specialized or understood ADHD, but to my luck, I found out at my initial session, that the therapist that I found has ADHD and grew up with an ADHD family, like myself. I learned more in my first two sessions about improving the dynamic in a family with ADHD and how to deal with my own personal symptoms than I did the past two years. For example, I didn’t know that when your estrogen levels drop, ADHD symptoms are more prevalent. Hence, many women find out they have it much later in life after menopause.
When I was expressing my concern to my therapist about my family members, she directed me to resources that may help them, but made sure to remind me that “family never listens to family who tell them what to do” and “you cannot fix them.” These are things that I needed to hear, especially because being the oldest daughter in an immigrant family and feeling the weight on my shoulders by all the responsibility, I often feel guilty when I cannot help them. And I try so hard all the time; I have tried the nice way, the more aggressive way, the waiting game, and nothing. Sometimes, I am scared that something bad will happen to them, like a horrible fall or accident (which happens often with us) and I regret not trying harder. But it is good to find a balance between focusing on myself while still being there for others.
She also asked me why I was not taking any medication, and I told her my bad experiences with various ones in the past. She eased my worries and explained to me about different medications that I could ask my prescriber to try out since she really has faith that they would help. My biggest concern was the rapid heart rate and insomnia that I had with past meds, but my new one so far has not had that effect on me. If you are curious, I am on Bupropion (Wellbutrin XL) which is an antidepressant and smoking cessation aid. It is sometimes prescribed as an off-label treatment for ADHD, which is what I am trying it out for. It’s going to take a few more weeks before I can tell a real difference though. Last therapy session, my therapist told me that I “looked more depressed than I’ve ever been” and “a little flat,” although I did not think that I seemed that way. So that is just something I’m going to have to monitor and have my close friends and roommates see if they notice a difference in my behavior or personality.
To conclude, therapy was one of the best decisions I have ever made and sharing my experience and knowledge with my family members (when they even want to listen which is rare) has educated them too and I feel like, genuinely has improved the overall dynamic. Since I am moving out soon (FINALLY), I am glad I tried making things better before leaving my family. And therapy can be life changing even if you don't have a mental illness or are going through something major. This article talks about the benefits, such as expressing yourself in a healthy way, communicating better, and building better relationships.
